I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Being a kid is something we adults know all too well, goes way too quickly! Being driven around, food prepared for you, laundry cleaned, folded, and put away, bedtime stories, playing at the park, make believe, the endless ideas and possibilities for the future......It all goes by like a lightning bolt on a thundery night and you are left with hopefully some amazing memories of family and friends who have watched you grow and learn! So why then do our children insist on growing up so fast? I just celebrated my thirty-first birthday in November (yes you heard it right..... and my oldest just turned thirteen year old 0.o). Like it or not, I too was one of those kids that just couldn't wait to enter into the grown up world of responsibility and decision making. I couldn't wait to be a wife and a mother! And while I am completely happy about the ways my life has developed, why was I so enamored with the longing to be older, more mature, more attractive to the boys??? With my earliest remembrance of my first crush at a mere three years old, I know all too well what it is to be dreamily "in love". The reason I found the need to write about this is because my now thirteen year old daughter seems to be wanting and longing for these same things!!!! Ahhhhhh! At the rate our world is progressing, kids are talking about and developing these complicated mature relationships as young as five to six years old and even sooner than that. Do they not get that THIS IS IT!? This is the only time in your life to be carefree! And to this I say to my daughters and son, just enjoy your childhood! You will be an adult for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! You'll have plenty of time to worry about dating, marriage, children, careers, bills, money and everything else that adulthood brings! So just take a deep breath and SLOW DOWN! Our world is busy busy and getting busier. I often have to remind myself to slow down! And even though I find myself rushing here and there, I know that if I don't, life will just pass me by. We all have a choice to make in how we want our own lives to play out! I once had a bumper sticker on my car that read, "Slow Down, Look Around, and Enjoy God's Creation". Wanting to and actually making this a part of your life are two very different things, I know. All we can do for our youth is try to instill strong moral values and be honest about both good and bad choices that we have made in our own lives! We can help them by having open communication and have them know that all their feelings and emotions are completely valid and real, but that they have to learn to filter and organize them into appropriate ages of their lives. They need to be lead to start making their own decisions, but to make those decisions according to what they know and see would lead to them having a well thought out future. We've all heard it before, "History Repeats Itself". And while we hope we as parents can lead our kids in maybe a different direction than we took or than others have taken, there will always be the crushes, the dreamy fantasies. There will always be a longing for respect and yes even adulthood. The only thing I know is that I want my kids to know that they should never feel like they will be in trouble for having any of these feelings or dreams. They should always feel open in discussing any and all of what they're going through or experiencing. It's our job to lead this next generation on a path that we hope will lead to success, but also most importantly to build strong bonds of love and understanding as we do so!
To my dear sweet daughter I say.......
Love can wait! Enjoy your youth!

A Little Down in the Dumps

It's been a couple of months since I've posted and quite honestly it's not because of the fact that I have been super busy with Thanksgiving, birthday party planning, running kids around, getting ready for winter break, keeping kids busy and happy during break, back to school......It's really because I've been struggling to have anything inspiring to say! I have been on the verge of breaking down over the last few weeks and the only thing I can say is that I feel like I'm sinking. My hormones are whacked and in return I'm feeling depressed, overly emotional and then completely unemotional, uninspired, grumpy, and definitely NOT sexy. Trying to continue in being a successful mom and wife have proven to be almost impossible! I'll make it I know and I'll get through all of this, but the shear fright of what is happening to me is really hard to deal with! The last time things were this bad for me was after my first daughter was born. I feel the same panic inside of me as I felt after her, but I think I'm dealing with things a little better given the fact that I have so many responsibilities and because I'm 13 years older. I say that, and then I realize how much I just want to scream, cry, hit something or someone, curl up in a ball, sleep.... It's so hard to know what to do! Finding the strength and motivation to even make phone calls in order to see a doctor or shrink, is trying. I'm just not me! Part of what sent me spiraling down hill is the fact that loosing any weight has been so hard since my son was born. In fact, I've gained weight since giving birth.....If you can believe that! I've Googled and found that many other women are dealing with this same problem! Which by the way, doesn't make me feel any better! It just makes me a slightly jealous of those mommies who aren't having this problem. Just being honest! You can only try so hard for so long without any results before tossing in the towel. It's not like he was just born or anything, He just turned a year old!
Depression has always seemed to be my shadow. Just hanging around for the right time to strike me and stand over me as a pouring rain cloud. My PCOS has a large role to play in my inability to loose weight, but before having my son I really had no symptoms and now this horrible thing is rearing it's ugly face once again. All the things that used to work in controlling it, aren't working. And I HATE taking drugs for the problem, but at this point I'm considering it! It's literally been my whole life on and off of dealing with weight problems.... and it is quite mentally challenging to get through all the baggage I have from all of it. I feel stuck! Stuck and hopeless much of the time. And worst of all, I feel like such a hypocrite! I've said so many things to my daughters about their confidence issues. "You are the only one who has the power to change the way you see yourself". "You are so beautiful! You are just the way God wanted you to be". I hear things like this in my head, and yet I just can't make myself believe them! I guess things like this help me to see that many times there are situations where the phrase "mind over matter" just doesn't work. Don't get me wrong, I think if you try to succeed in something, you should keep trying until you are happy with your results, It's just that depression has a way of disabling you in a way that is so strong, nothing can stop it.  Sure someone can help you temporarily maybe, but no one can snap you our of it long term! It has to come from inside of yourself. I'm just not there yet! And this is not a plea for someone to help me, because it really only makes things worse! My usual ability to see things with an encouraging perspective and through my learning glasses is just not working currently, so I do apologize! Hopefully if I have said anything that rings true to how you're feeling, you'll know you're not alone. We just have to keep moving inch by inch in the right direction even if yesterday put us back a few....Easier said than done.... I know! 

Happy Thanksgiving

The Attitude of Gratefulness

In honor of Thanksgiving this week and being that Veterans Day just past, I thought Gratitude would be a fitting subject. All I have to say is that I am SO grateful to all of our veterans and our founding fathers who have given me and my family the freedom to live in this country we call home. Thank you to all who serve, who have served and all who have given their lives for the love of their people and country!

On another note....... I have to say I am so extremely tired of hearing the whining and the negativity and downright ungrateful words come from our mouths. Most of us have absolutely no idea of what it's like to want for anything. My children often hear words like these from me because it's just plain true. We live in a very wealthy country and yet we whine way too much! We whine if the coffee we ordered isn't perfect. We whine if we have to wait in line at the grocery store. We whine about the traffic. We whine and complain and feel the need to express our every discomfort through the look on our faces, our body language, and our attitudes. What a bunch of ungrateful snobs we can be!  Just saying.... and forgive me, I know that many if us try not to retaliate when things don't go our way.... but I also know that frustration and attitude seem to be so quick to escape our bodies without warning! Now I'm not saying to just get walked all over by people who just don't give a care, or to graciously take your coffee just the way you got it and be happy with it, but it's all about your character in the way you deal with any situation. Why is it so hard for the human soul to be kind and understanding? To be gracious and serving instead of selfish and unreasonable? If you ask me, we all act like a bunch of babies sometimes. We are quick to correct our children when they are treating each other unkindly or having out of line behavior and yet we catch ourselves doing the very same things. It doesn't have to be like that though! If we could only remember how very fortunate and blessed we are as we go about our day, then maybe we could not only change our own lives in a much more positive direction, but I guarantee we could change the lives of others around us! If we could just take the focus off of ourselves and put all that energy on thinking about someone else! To all my mommy friends, I know what you're thinking! "How much more could I possibly spend thinking about someone else? I'm a mother, that's all we do!" And it's true, we think about the needs of others most of the time, but I know I am all out of "understanding" and "kindness" many times when it comes to other people who are not my family. After all, can't they see what a hard day I've had? And to that all I can say is, just try you're best! You're not always going to be well rested, unemotional, and feeling like you can be the one to let yet another person cry on you're shoulder. 
Just to bring a little incite to what I'm talking about:
Feeding America quotes "15.8 million children under 18 in the United States live in households where they are unable to consistently access enough nutritious food necessary for a healthy life". 
Centers For Disease Control and Prevention quotes, "Each year, hundreds of thousands of adults over the age of 60 are abused, neglected, or financially exploited. In the United States alone, more than 500,000 older adults are believed to be abused or neglected each year." 
Uniform Crime Reports, Federal Bureau of Investigation reported, "One woman is beaten by her husband or partner every 15 seconds in the United States." 
If these things don't open our eyes.... I really don't know what to say! Right here in our own country there could be children right next door who don't have enough to eat! Parent's who can't find jobs to supply the needs of their children. A single mother or father working two jobs just to make sure he or she can keep the lights on and food on the table for a family they rarely get to see. These are the things we need to be thinking about! These are some the people that need a kind gesture and a glimpse of hope! And even to those who don't have such extreme situations, I know we all appreciate someone who really shows they care about you. It's true there are horrible things happening all over the world, but maybe we forget to look up away from the news and media and see that we have the power to change the life of someone right in front of our faces! 
I hope the next time my coffee isn't quite right or someone cut's me off on the road, I can remember to act in graciousness and kindness, and remember that my reaction has the power to change someone else's day as well as my own, for either the worst or the better. Will you be that glimmer of hope in humanity? 
Happy Thanksgiving and REMEMBER to LOOK UP with Gratitude!

Mommy's Love Affair

I know this may seem strange but I actually think intimacy and a good love making session with my husband makes me want to be a better person and makes me feel like a more complete and whole woman. I have been married to the love of my life for just over 14 years and I think I just realized something I've never thought of.  I actually want to get up in the morning and be a more loving, inwardly beautiful person. I want to look and act attractive and feminine. I want to be thoughtful and sweet....and it may all be due to the passion in my relationship with my husband. I'm not talking about one of those "quick the baby's waking up" love sessions (of course those will happen too).... But I'm talking about when you have some actual time to spend with each other. When your heart feels so full of love and passion for one another and when the true meaning of feeling "at one" in your marriage is at it's height. You are overwhelmed with desire for your spouse and that is exactly how marriage should feel. Not lust, but true chemistry and deep love and affection. I've heard people say things to newly weds like " Oh honey, enjoy the honey moon phase"! That insinuates that this passion and excitement you feel for one another will end and what I think is, DON'T LET IT EVER END! AND don't ever let anyone make you feel like it's weird or wrong or not normal because maybe it should be the "Normal". Maybe sex has been made to be something unexciting and uncommon in marriage, especially after the babies come along! Maybe that's why the younger generation is so afraid to "put a ring on it". They are afraid that life will become dull and unexciting! I know it's hard, BELIEVE ME! At the end of the day it's not something that's at the top of the list. After four kids and running around getting them where they need to go,  housework,  homework, cooking,  shopping,  changing poopy diapers,  and laundry,  I seem to be the last thing I want to spend any time on and getting the kids all to bed and trying to get the romance on, is not usually what follows an exhausting day. But in our marriage we try to make it top priority. When my martial relationship is strong and I feel loved and taken care of both emotionally and physically and looked at as though I'm sexy,  I somehow feel driven to look and act even more attractive in all aspects of my life as a woman and mommy. I never want to loose that spark that I love so much!  I know not all relationships are like this, and don't get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs and roller coaster rides and heartache, but I have to say that one of the things that had always brought us back together on common ground is a longing to be at one with each other again! My husband has truly been amazing to me! Through pregnancy, weight gain, weight loss, raging hormones, he has always said how attracted he is to me. He has always said how much he wants to get me all to himself and when there are issues we need to deal with, we talk about them and honestly there are many times we aren't really sure what the best way is to move forward. Even in the midst of a storm, extreme issues, and bipolar differences we have CHOSEN to make our marriage work! All I can do is trust and pray that our desire never fails us.  I have always thought that any marriage can work and be successful if BOTH people have the common belief that you are in for the long haul and that your ultimate goal is to make your spouse truly happy. There are so many variables in marriage and I know it takes two people to build a strong lasting relationship. One of the keys is to keep a soft heart toward your spouse and be willing to stop talking with your mouth and fall in love over and over again both in and out of the bedroom. So I challenge each of us, as mommies and wives to make some time. Get out of those yoga pants and make special time to love on your hubby. We owe it to our children and to our selves to have a happy, healthy, passionate, long lasting love affair!

The Under Paid Maid

Some times I feel like a maid!!!! We as mothers fulfill all and more of what a maid does. In fact I could give a whole list of jobs we fulfill without earning a single dollar for them! Personal chef, nurse, teacher, chauffeur, therapist, photographer, event coordinator, counselor, party planner, cheerleader, hairdresser......laundry, dishes, diapers, and homework.....the list could go on for days as you know! It's a 24/7 job that gets no time off for good behavior and many times all of our hard work goes unnoticed! So many times I have wondered how anyone would even survive without me here to wipe the jelly off their faces or fill the hot water bottle when they have a stomach ache or tell them where their library book disappeared to. Oh and let's not for forget the socks and dirty shoes!!! Socks and shoes are usually left for me as a daily reminder of how much I am "loved and needed". If it weren't for a daily dose of "brake it up", I'm certain my children might kill each other! Somehow all these things leave me feeling worn down and I know if I think about it long enough, I am ready to run far far away without leaving a forwarding address! How is it possible for one person to keep it up day after day, night after night??? And then I finally came to the realization that even though I am worn down a lot of the time and feel like there is never a moment to breath, I LOVE MY JOB! Of course not everything! Diapers, arguing, and broken bones are definitely not on the list of things "I can't live without", but I really do LOVE what I do. See, I don't HAVE to do any of the the things I do! I could just sit back and watch as the house eventually blows up and someone uncovers us all from a mass of dirty laundry. I could pretend that my children will become model citizens without having guidance and the love of a mother.... I could just say forget it and walk away! But oh, how I would miss those faces! And can you imagine not having those dirty socks and shoes to pick up? I would miss my morning hairy monster stinky breath kisses, I would miss when my husband pulls me in and whispers how much he loves me and thinks I'm his sexy queen (even when I've been up all night with the baby and look like a train wreck), I would miss hearing "mommy I love you so much", "mommy kiss my boo-boo", or even do you know where my "such n such" is? I would miss the excitement, the frustration, the heartache, the happiness.....I would miss MY LIFE!  What else is there??? Yes I know we all have personal goals, hobbies, and maybe jobs out side the home, but chances are when we are old and grey we won't be searching through pictures to remember our own accomplishments or deadlines we met, but rather those of our children and family. Pictures of a tooth lost, first steps, science awards, milestone birthdays and anniversaries, yearly family photos, smiles and laughter are all things I know I don't ever want to live without! These are the things people long for and cherish forever! Every challenging day can bring new found wisdom as a mother, wife, and woman, if we only let it. We can either let the stress control us and those around us or learn and grow even through the storm. Am I really under paid??? Or can any amount of money ever measure the fullness of my heart??? Hopefully my new found realization will enlighten or encourage you or maybe you already know how much you are truly needed and loved! Either way keep going and know you are SO important and awesome and this world and your world at home, can't live without YOU!

BALDING WITH STRETCH MARKS

WARNING: It is strongly recommended that women who have NOT had children be cautioned and move on to the next post. May not be appropriate for all audiences.

Well I know I just started this blog, but I feel I need to write something to help all you new and old mommies to know YOU'RE NOT ALONE! I just had my baby boy 10 months ago and being that there were six years between my last baby and this pregnancy, I have to say there were many things that I did not remember about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and after birth. I know every pregnancy and experience is usually different and it definitely was for me this time around! Pregnancy is wonderful and beautiful and some women carry with such grace and cuteness.....unfortunately that's not me! As soon as I take that pregnancy test somehow my brain tells my body to start packing on the weight and so I immediately have to start unpacking the prego clothes! At least maternity clothes have started becoming more attractive! I remember with my oldest who is now almost 13, it was like I was expected to become a knitted frumpy grandma in order to become a mother. Most of the clothes I had were waist-less smocks with patterns that belonged on a bedspread. With this pregnancy I already had the stretch marks from my previous pregnancies so that was nothing new, my sciatic pain was tolerable, but 6 months into my pregnancy I developed this horrible condition called Symphysis Pubic Disfunction or SPD. It's when your bones separate due to the weight of the baby. These bones are not normally supposed to separate therefore causing excruciating pain no matter what you do. Sit, stand, lay down, it feels like you have just been kicked and then stabbed in the pubic bone. Thankfully it didn't last long, and I was on to high blood pressure and regular visits to the hospital so I could be monitored while my other children climbed the walls and asked repeatedly when we could go home. And then came the baby......my beautiful baby boy! The moment when you know you would go through anything and everything just to hold this sweet baby in your arms. And this is why God made them so cute....so you can forget about the torture you just endured and fall in love with your miracle! 

The overwhelming feeling that you are now superwoman and can conquer the world will usually follow, but my advise REST! Just take a minute! You have the rest of your child's life to do things for him or her so just let other people do things for you and take time to recuperate. I didn't do this with my previous pregnancies and I know for many of us, it's just not an option. Life still goes on and things have to get done, but all your daily tasks will still be there FOREVER, so enjoy your baby and your family! Now on to next unpleasantry, how could I possibly forget the Hemorrhoids? I didn't have these after my three daughters, but leave it to me to make sure I experienced every single unpleasant experience some time during and after pregnancy. They tell you to make Witch Hazel pads, freeze them and put them on the area to relieve pain and swelling. And even though I think they did work to some degree, all I have to say is just go buy medicated cream. You don't have to act like a hero on this one! You just had a baby and other things are still healing. Now is NOT the time to get All Natural! Go get the cream so you don't bite someones head off or worse, go into complete crying convulsions. On to the next item......BALDING! So, I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a character building experience or what? It's not enough that you feel all stretched out everywhere, your hormones are all whacked out, your boobs are sore, you're counting down the days you can stop wearing the granny panties and put away the pads that feel more like a diaper, and you aren't sure if you should stay wearing your large comfy maternity clothed or try to go stuff yourself back into your pre-pregnancy wardrobe, now my hair started falling out. I guess my hair was supposedly better during pregnancy? It started about 4 weeks postpartum......my hair falling out by the clumps! I thought I had started noticing changes in how thick my hair looked on top of my head when I looked in the mirror and thought that maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me . I was wearing my hair up on top of my head most of the time, but the first time I freaked out and thought I needed immediate physician care was while having a nice long hot shower. If you're a mom, you know we don't get many of these moments of relaxation uninterrupted any more!I wet my hair and ran my fingers through it and as I pulled my hand away from my head, I realized the hair was still on my hand. Half of the hair on my head must have fallen out during that next month. Thanks to a frightful Google search, I was able to calm myself down and I tried to convince myself that I would not in fact go completely bald, but that this trial might in fact continue for up to A YEAR!!!!! One website recommended investing into a few cute hats or maybe some headbands............ Ahhhhhh! Well gratefully I am here to tell you that I am now sporting a nice new growth of baby hairs all over my head and am hopeful that some day my long hair and baby hair just may meet and be the same length again. All of this aside.....I have to say something so cliche'....I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING! Life is all about learning and change and rising to the occasion, and for me I see my beautiful God given children and none of these things matter any more! My kidos are healthy and happy (most of the time) and maybe we as women live through all of these things, good and bad, so that we can offer a kind word to another women going through the same things or even our daughters some day. Every day is a gift and I am so honored to be a mommy! If you are experiencing any of these things, rest assure you are not alone! Try to stay positive and know this is only a phase.You'll get through it! I PROMISE! It is SO worth it!

Fall is Finally Here! In honor of my most favorite season, here is a delicious recipe that not only tastes wonderful, but will fill your kitchen with some fabulous smells!

            Pumpkin Cake

This is one of the most moist delicious cakes for fall time and Thanksgiving!

And if you wanted to leave the icing off, it would make just as yummy of a bread.

I used some coconut flour since it tastes so good,

but also because it has 9 grams of protein per 2T. which is amazing! 
It is a little pricey but you don't need much. 
Don't try to completely replace your other flower with it though 
because the texture is not the same and your recipes will not turn out the same.

½ cup coconut oil

½ cup apple sauce

1 cup brown sugar

½ cup raw sugar

3 eggs

1 ¼ cup canned pumpkin

1t. baking soda

1t. baking powder

½ t. salt

½ t. all spice

1t. cinnamon

½ cup coconut flour

1 ½ cup whole wheat pastry flour

½ cup pineapple

1 cup golden raisins

½ cup pecans

Preheat oven to 350.

Oil and flower 8x11 glass dish.

Mix oil, apple sauce, sugars, and eggs together until creamed.

Add soda, baking powder, salt, all spice, and cinnamon. Mix in pumpkin.

Slowly add both flowers. Lastly add pineapple, raisins, and pecans.

Pour in baking dish and bake for 30-35 minutes.

Cream Cheese Frosting

8oz cream cheese, room temperature

3T. butter, room temperature

1t. vanilla

2 cups powdered suger

Whip cream cheese, butter, and vanilla until smooth and add

powdered sugar a little at a time.

Wait until cake is completely cooled before icing.

Enjoy

Here's To Being a BLOGGER

Well.... what to write? And how to start this blog off on the right foot? I have so many unposted posts written and started, but none seemed fitting for my FIRST OFFICIAL POST! I guess I will start with how grateful I am to have an outlet to display my creativity, craziness, passions, and love of life. I am a stay at home mom and any stay at home parent or working parent knows that when you are at home too long with hecticness happening around every corner, things can get a little overwhelming. I LOVE being a stay at home mommy, so don't get me wrong! I feel completely honored to be able to bring up and guide my munchkins into what I know will be amazing contributing adults. The process of getting there can sometimes be agonizing and rough though..... I will not pretend that I know how to do all of this and still be sane by the end, so hopefully this will be a place where I can write what's going on in my head and things going on in my life and somehow be a better person at the end of each day. This is my way of getting the good, bad, and ugly out, without it dictating how I will be as a mother and wife. Ideally I see myself as being this amazingly fit attractive woman who my husband just can't wait to get "alone time" with, I cook all healthy meals from scratch for my family every day, my home is clean and organized, I am patient and kind to my children and discipline in a way that is effective, I have time to read and do daily devotionals, I have amazing style, I am strong, happy, and confident, I am gracious and kind and non-judgmental, I show the love of God on a daily basis, I make a difference in the world....etc. And all though many of these things may be true statements, most of which are not all at the same time, I fail so drastically on so many levels! I have so much to work on and yet I know I have so much to offer. I hope this journey will enlighten me and maybe support you in your journey and experiences as a mommy and wife. SO Happy Reading! And Here's to Being An Official Blogger!